Top of the 'to do' list? Wind up the parents

To do:
get tongue pierced
tatoo [sic] whole back
shave hair into mohawk
dye tips of hair black
get arms tatooed [sic] - full sleeve

Age 14

We found this near the computer - she must have been bored with Facebook for a minute or two.

World record

Not even a note. This is a new level of unlovedness.

Age 14

We went to work early (as usual) and in a rush. We didn't write the usual note ("Please empty dishwasher and do some of your washing. Tidy room - or else!!!!")

July 2009

You owe me

Aged 9

Dear Mum & Dad

U. O. Me £10.00 by Tuesday 2nd December. Plus I never found my 50p so add 50p.

I ................. agree to this note

I ................. agree to this note

'You are overacting'

Tilly, aged 8

To Jason and Sacha
I think you are overacting about it all. I woke up this morning and it was in the pool and I was going to put it in the garage like dad said and I was going to take all of the toys out and now you are cross so don’t take it out on people (!) when they have not done what you think.
Live well eat well play well
Lots of love
Tilly


Back of the note says: PS Jason and Sacha I have not eaten yet!!!

The note was written on the morning of us moving house (Tilly was 8), the toy in question is an inflatable whale that is over 6 feet long, and I had asked that all toys were removed the night before and packed together. I awoke at the crack of dawn after 4 hours sleep to discover a menagerie of inflatable animals in the pool, and a removals truck pulling into the drive! Yes and I hadn’t fed my child yet!

Legal eagle

Age 10

[Mum] owes I [name] £11.00 worth of earrings. She owes this because she put a pair of I's jeans in the washing machine which had her favourite earrings in the pocket. And also a pair of friendship earrings.
Signed ________________

2nd June 2005 Signed
1st June 2005 Written

Mrs C owes her daughter an apology in which she must state that she is an idiot for losing something so precious.
Signed _____________
Signed and sealed 2nd June 2005
Written 1st June 2005

Love-hate

Age 8

I Love
I love my family
I love my hampster
I love L [sister]'s hamster
I love Grandpa
I love my Aunties
I love my Uncles
I love my cousins
I HATE Mrs Thomas [her teacher]
by [signed]

Read this one for feelings on another teacher

Forbidden topics

Age 9

Dear Martha
I don't believe in ghosts any more.
You can still write any way but not about ghosts.
From [signed]

The boy's a genius

Age 4
Kindly contributed by Bad Mom (check out her blog) who says:

"My then 4-year old son Mason scrawled this after I had done something apparently quite egregious. Insulted, he sat & wrote BAD MOM on a piece of scratch paper, the O being a face sticking out its tongue, hands on ears . He quietly left it on the desk for me, and I have since kept it attached to a bulletin board above the computer. A reminder of my badness, lest I start to feel like a perfect parent."

Sisters

Age 11

I Hate You
I hate you
I wish you were dead
I hate you
I want to cut off your head

I hate you
You are so selfish
I hate you
You have no feelings
It goes on for a whole page but it's a bit too extreme to publish...

No porkie pie!

Age 10
My Birthday sweets and presents yet.
Maths - I hate it.
For my Birthday I got a pooing pig.

Speechless

Age 7 and 8

Dear Davy and Nannies
Did you have a nice Birthday Davy?
Did you get our card on time?
What did you do on your Birthday?
We have just got in from school and mummy is making our dinner it is chops.
Mummy didnt go to work today because she wasnt well
she lost her voice on Sunday but it'is back now worst luck
We havent done much so we havent got anything too write about

see you soon
Lots of love
G and V

Bedtime blues

Age 8
Dear Mum
I missed you last night.
Please can you come up to me now.
There is a letter in the lounge.
Loads and loads ectectect ectectect
Love
xxxxxxx
ect

Suppertime blues

Age 10
Dear Mum and Dad
I love you. I love you, Mum. I am sorry about not trying ure casserole and I should have.
Dad, ure so funny and crazy! So great at accents too!
Mum, I can't relax. My chest hurts! Ohh I'm pretty good at using my left hand!
Love you both!
I luv you

Is handwriting is the window of the soul?

Age 10
To my fabulous Mum,
I love you so much, and I am so sorry for being horrid!
When is dad coming home

Dad has a baby? Meet Imelda

This is so random. Interpretations are invited - just leave a comment. I am especially intrigued by the 'frog shortening' and by the fact that it appears to be to do with 2 men having a baby

Age 9
1 August Mum makes an announcement
2 Big changes
3 September Introducing Imelda
4 All about frog shortening
5 November Big trouble
6 Dad plays up
7 December Surprise surprise
8 Feb Dad has a baby
9 Dad plays up again
10 April B-day
11 Happy familys [sic]

Imelda - oh no
1 Change nappy
2 Bath her
3 Change her cloths [sic]
4 Strap her in
5 Burp her
by Nick and Dad
List of things for Imelda

Grand Old Duke

Age 11
Dear Duke of York
Miss G and I feel our friendship is falling apart.
We would like to spend some quality time together...
Just me and her for 1 week 3 days.
I was just wondering if this is okay. Is it?
Thanks
Cruella
P.S. Plus my servants

Statement of fact

Age 11
To Mr and Mrs C
It is official. I hate you. Both.
You are horrid.
From [signed]

Practice makes perfect

Age 10
Dear Mummy & Daddy
I love you lots and lots. Ida did my hair in two French plaits. I am listening to Roald Dhals dirty beasts on tape. You are probably wondering why I am writing. It is because I love you and I am bored. It ia good for me to write letters as practise.
Roald Dhals dirty beasts are rude but very funny.

It always rhyms.
Love from Isobel xxx [etc]
a gazzillion xxx
PTO
Dear Mum and Dad
Do you like it?
Love Isobel
A very snooty, snotty little girl that is spoilt and rude.
A very nice kind little girl that is not spoilt.

Dug in

Age 9
Dear hatefull family.
I am not going to say sorry.
If I do you have to let me hav[?] food and [?]

Spidey is a hit

Spiderman review, age 9

Pretty good for what I saw
actually it was exelent.
Wonderful fake crying
Spiderman's costume is fab.
The graphics were brilliant
The music was fabulas
infact even better than fabulas

So sophisticated. Yet not.

Found in a notebook

Creepy crawlies

Age 10
love Tilly
dear mum
I do have lice
I found a mum and lots of eggs
I need to get d-lowsed

Love letter

Aged 11
Dear Mum and Dad, I love you, you are fabulous, both of you. I love you, Dad, Mum, when you smile, laugh eat or drink, talk or write, it is like the sun comes up, the rain stops, the trees are in full bloom, the flowers too. There are plates of the best food ever, in piles. Every one is happy. It makes me laugh, smile, eat, drink, talk, write too.
There is only one main message to this letter. I honestly, truly, [w]holey, love you! So much. Everything is happy and good. Lots of love, so much love! Tonnes of love!
xxx [etc]

That's all right then

Age 10
To Maddy
Re: Limo Party 29th January 2005
I can come! It is on the day of my Great Uncle Hughe's Funeral.

I have my reasons

Aged 11

Dear Mr and Mrs

I am writing to apologise for my behavior on the night of Wednesday the eigth [sic]. You see, I have my reasons. My homework (forgotten) was of the Design Technology sort and Mrs F (my DT teacher) is a favorite of mine, so I like to do her homework. It was very unorganised and silly of me to do this. I am ever so sorry.

I will try to control my behavior and not let my behavior disrupt these lodgings.

Yours Faithfully
Your daughter and neighbour [signed]

Webuser review

This is sweet...
Issue 169, 30 August
BLOG ON
Contrary to the claims of the TV programme, this blog proves that kids do not say the funniest things. Instead, they write them down in letters and give them to their parents. And what gems of creativity they are - each reading like a stream of consciousness from a budding poet.
The blog's title comes from [name] , who once posted this charming missive on her bedroom door: 'I might come down for meals. But you MUST send a note through the door. Or a menu and what time but I need a digital clock.' In another letter she tries to opt out of a family holiday: 'You go and get some well-needed fun and sun. As a proper family - without me. When you return you will not find me. No matter how much you search.'
It's a lovely idea, and if you want to share the written reflections of your own nippers, send a scan to imightcomedown@gmail.com.

Sauna

Aged 11
10.00
Wednesday
6th August
Mum,
I am really hot and you must be 2. The beautiful white flowers are wilting and the sunflower's drooping.
Dad is vidioing [sic] at 10.35 The Fame acadamy finial [sic].
I have had 2 cold showers.
Me and L wrapped each other up in blankets [and] it felt like being in a SAUNA! I'm sticking to the seat so I have to go.
Love ya
XXX

Missing mum

Aged 9

Dear Mum [scratched out], Dad
How was the concert in the club for only over eighteens only!? I love you and I'm missing mum. I really miss mum and I want her to come home because I love her and am not used to not saying goodnight to me and it is weird. I listened to my tape, Witch Week. I really love you

Love you dad

Love from

xx [etc]

P.S I am on mums side of the bed

Own medicine

Aged 11
Dear Dad,
Thanks for the talk about shouting, and I really will try hard to stay calm. A reason why I have been shouting is L, because she shouts and bosses me around and tells me what to do. Shouting [gives] me a chance to let other people know what it is like being shouted at and to give people a taste of their own meds.
Love ya

kiss kiss
This is her other view of shouting, written on the same night

Very very horrid

Aged 11
Dear Mum and Dad,
I want to tell you and Dad that I love you and that you are the greatest two people in the universe.
L [big sister] is also cool. She can be very, very horrid, though.
Mum, please come in and do my toes.
Love from xxxx

Like Ron Weasley

Aged 10
Dear Mum, I'm sorry I shouted at you earlier and was really horrid to you, and everyone. Shouting doesn't feel better after.
Sorry it is so scrawly. I am like Ron Weasley.
Love ya

P.S Sorry if I hurt your feelings. Kiss Kiss

Frisky's eulogy

Aged 10
Frisky
On each Friday we shall remember our beloved Frisky, who died of dehydration. We took him to the vet to be put down out of love and hoping that he'll pull through but we did what's right. No one can ever forget our darling beloved, Frisky
Frisky was a hamster who escaped from his cage. When he was eventually found he was in such a poor state he couldn't be saved.

Boobies

Aged 9
Dear Dad, In our game we are pretendening [sic] we are grown up women and we have put socks to represent boobys. Please do not laugh for we are v nervous.
from

Heavenly poetry

Aged 11
A message from the angels
Hey heavenly father
If you so great, how
come I died?

Oh Lord. I dunno what to say!
You so heavenly I forgot to pray
Hey father, we love you!

I loved fitness. How
come I died from
heart failure! In
the middle of
!STEP AEROBICS!

The Lord says
Thanks for your notes,
I love you too!

All the essentials for survival

Aged 10
Dear Mum,
I am 'moving in' to the bathroom till dad comes home because I know that L does not want to see me for a while. Persuade as you may but until dad comes home I am staying here. Dont worry. I am well equipt. I have got pens, books, torch even a dictionary! I love you. Love from xxx

Verrucas

Aged 9
Mon 1st September
My room
Dear Mum,
I want you to come up to hold my hand. Is that okay. I will read while I am waiting for you to come up.
Love from
xx
P.S My verrucca [sic] is still here and it certainly has been past ten days.
P.P.S I love you, and tell daddy that I love him and say it is from me.
Love

You are not my parents

Aged 10

I HATE YOU.
I WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE WHERE I WILL BE PROPERLY LOVEd and PEOPLE WILL NOT LEAVE EVERY THING FOR ME TO DO.
YOU ARE NOT MY PARENTS ANY MORE. I hate YOU AND THEREFORE I AM LEAVING.
Yours sincerly [sic]
(NO SURNAME ANYMORE)
age 9, almost 10

Apology rap

Aged 11

With her best friend she sneaked into a neighbour's garden and overstepped the mark.

A verse for someone special!

Verse 1

George and Bernard's garden,
into it we crept (Nina)
knocking on the window
Forgetting to RESPEC! MAN! (Both)

Invading their privacy
Forgetting it was their property
Playing in their playground
We were to [sic] involved in having fun
In the heat of this spring sun!

We'll help you with your tasks!
Such as:
(I) Cleaning
(N) Gardening
(I) Cooking
(N) Ironing
(N&I) AND EVERY THING ELSE!

We hope you accept
And do not reject
Our humblest of apologys [sic]
Love from The 2 devils
(Hang on a minute I swear we're
ANGELS

Beautiful, merciful and kind

Finn, aged 14
Dear Mother and Father
I have a proposal. I believe it would be fair and just to invite Hunter to our lovely residence to do the following; ride bike, play cards, socialize, fish, go to the park and play soccer, and play with the dog. I beg you to let him sleep over also.
love,
your caring, kind and thoughtful/helpful son
P.S. You are beautiful, merciful and kind.
P.S.S also hospitable

Best and most considerate parents

Aged 11
Dear Mummy & Daddy
I am in your bed. Thank you, Daddy, for making me and Nina each badges.
I really like the lady bug badge. I had a brilliant day with Nina, thank you for not arguing today. I am listening to The Naughtiest Girl by Enid Blyton. She is in trouble again.
Rita is telling Elizabeth Allen to be nice to Joan. Jonny English is really good. Really funny too.
I really love you both. You are the best and most considerate parents ever in the world, the galaxy and the universe. I praise you both ever so much.
Millions of tons of love
From

xxxxxx [etc]

Somethings

Aged 11 - hiding birthday presents
Dear Dad
I have hidden the presents VERY CAREFULLY. 2 SOMETHINGS* AND THE VERY LARGE OTHER THINGS* ARE WRAPPED & HIDDEN. THE 2 SOMETHINGS ARE IN L'S**ROOM IN AN ORANGE ***BAG*** AND THE OTHER THING IS HIDDEN IN THE LIVING ROOM******
Love
from

**

Travel nerves

Aged 10, on the eve of a trip to the US
28th July 2005
To family
This is just a note to inform you that I am not going to America. You go and get some well needed fun and sun. As a proper family - without me.

When you return you will not find me. No matter how much you search.

Please have a fabulous time. And please lead your lives as a proper & happy family. I am the cause of all this hatred.

Yours with lots of love,

Christmas

Aged 11

Happy Christmas
Dearest Dad,
Thank you very much for your little note, you're right, using these pens are frustrating, messy, but also very very very fun and artistic.
You are amazing at calligraphy writing, where and how did you learn to create such beautiful words.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful Christmas gifts.
Lots of Love from

No apology needed

Aged 10

On the other side of the paper (see Dear Dad, below)

Dear Mum,
I cant get to sleep cause I keep needing to poo. Sorry.
Love from

Wed 10 Dec

My room
The bed

Click here to see the other side of the paper.